"I am not the friend you are looking for"- In my Best Jedi voice

Most days I pretend like I am just like every other normal mom out there. Most days I am darn good at it too. I get up early, put on a piping hot pot of coffee, lay the spoon in the spoon holder after stirring in my skinny vanilla creamer, throw a load of laundry in the washing machine, turn on the tv for background noise, check facebook.....

and...say hello to all my family and friends. Via a good morning post and shout out to whatever is on the "to do list" a rapid reply, a dozen "likes" and a few wonderful friends who curiously want to know what my big plans are for the day, the evening, the weekend. YES! Camping, swimming, boating, Pinterest..ing, the Mall, fun summer activities and everyone wants to see me and I want to see them and I am so darn happy and looking forward to all of it.

then... the rest of the house wakes up. Every fun activity planned ends up getting a big X through it by the end of the day. Why? you ask?.. life...my life... and the reality I live in.

David's Autism picks the most inopportune moments to shine. In the form of random objects jammed into the toilet bowl when I am pulling that load of laundry out of the wash. OR sprinkling confetti, glitter, all over his immediate area because , well because it's fascinating and he knows I won't shake him silly. Then in reality it isn't just one of those things but an endless string of his exploring the world around him and I follow diligently behind with a broom and a dust pan.

It's not just David..

Surprise Mom~! You get an all unpaid fun filled day driving me to fifty different places because there is no room for a second car in our apartment complex parking and you will not let me take Dad's motorcycle. In between, the Insurance company left a message and they need you to fax two different documents you've already signed, from a fax machine that isn't broken preferably, and Oh, yes the federal government wants your life history in triplicate by noon on friday. This includes but is not limited to your best friend in third grade, and your first pets maiden name. WTF? yes, they are aware you sent that three months ago but you forgot a period at the end of every other sentence. Please correct and resend.

AFTER, you retrieve your FedEx package, that is, from your non english speaking neighbors who seem to be unaware of what exactly FED EX is, and what that entails and you will need to explain to them they are not in trouble but you will need to search their entire apartment so as not to cause a security breach. No biggie...(good luck btw- it's UNDER the welcome mat in front of their door)

So, after you have averted a near disaster where your career is concerned, don't forget to get back to that plumbing problem and make sure the overflow mess doesn't make it's way down to the neighbors below you, and get right on the phone to call the electrician to come look at the light that now won't flip on..really??

What I am trying to say.. is you// I have no time for a life. Sad, isn't it? I call, I message, I text and and I facebook all my wonderful friends who have invited me and made plans for a fun filled, relaxing pedicure, Pinteresty craft day and God Bless em" a round of Whiskey at the Silver Dollar... to cancel... again.. *sigh*

So I suck at Blogging...

I am really no good at this blogging thing. I just write what is in my head...probably not how it's done. :) But, if I wrote every thought on Facebook, I would drive people crazy, right? Oh, yeah, I do kinda do that. So, anyway, you are stuck with me. My bad grammar, horrible punctuation and every flighty thought and deep intense emotion. Or..you can just skip it, and move on to something more entertaining and literate. :) Weighing heavily on my mind today is mothers and sons. Namely, me and my sons, my husband and his mother, his aunt and her son, and my uncle and my grandmother. I pause to look at each relationship...and see...the tight bond, and the deep crevice that misunderstandings, jealousy, illness, and disabilities can cause. When the parent is forever a caregiver instead of a parent..24/7 and when sometimes, the child becomes the parent. That's something most people look at from a distance and have no concept of the enormity of the emotion, struggle, exhaustion and traumatic stress it puts on those involved and the relationship. I feel sad for all those mothers that punish or worry that they aren't or won't be good moms, or that their sons somehow love them less when they become men and want to marry and love someone who will one day mother his children. I wonder, not having daughters if that dynamic exists with fathers and daughters because I lost mine and don't know my biological father except on sight. I want my sons, and future daughter in laws to know..I am here for the long haul, but to hope for their happiness, success, individuality and unconditional support. Always.

Autism

It's not a secret that my son David has Autism. It's not a secret that it is a daily struggle... for everyone. That is not to minimize what David must think of the world around him. He recently aquired a Ipad2 to install his taptotalk program to faciltate his communication, which consists of pointing and grunts without his ability to point at a picture that talk and asks for a drink. He can get and pour water himself from the fridge. But, a drink of soda requires, getting the tablet, turning it on, opening the program, touching drink then touching soda. A pain, for sure. How would you feel going through that process for just ONE request? But, I digress... So, after David goes to sleep... I begin to browse the tablet and it's apps and find myself on youtube, searching under Autism. Bad bad mistake... I found hundreds of video tapes by parents, teachers, friends and politicians concerning Autism, the causes, the empathy and the apathy. OH the apathy. I saw Kathy Gifford and her humiliation of an Autistic boy as she wrote a song about his lonliness. Disgusting, I heard Howard Stern admonish her disgustingly...as he wrote a song about her husband's infidelity. I saw the stats and science on the link between mercury and autism... THAT disgusted me. Youtube... late at night, not so much on my list of do again real soon. However, I must tell you that the IPAD youtube link enlightened me that David and I and our family are not alone in this horrific on hold pattern of self injurious behavior, frustration, lack of communication and indifference by mainstream society. I am thankful for those that support research and have their fundraisers for those afflicted but I wonder how many of them have lived in the trenches for the last 20 years. Just blogging out loud... hopefully my next entry will have a point.

Sum Sum Summer time!!

Nothing better than a cold iced coffee or tea... on the porch or laying in the hammock, reading a book while the MEN cook on the bbq. Then there is pool swimming, river tubing, gold panning and sun worshipping (remember your sunscreen) and while we are on the river subject. This WEIRD weather we have been having has made the rivers HIGH and FAST and DANGEROUS. If you are not seasoned river rafter, leave it alone for a few weeks, till the waters go down a bit.

meantime... go to Six Flags, Disneyland, or just camping :)) Take your friends and enjoy this beautiful nature loving state we call California. The spouse is out there on the P-3's protecting you from forest fires. PUT OUT YOUR CAMPING FIRES. <3 That is all the lecturing I have in me today. May God bless you today and always.

Mama Houston

All that Glitters isn't Gold

Yep, that's the lesson for today..kiddos :) If something is flashy and shiny doesn't mean it's worth anything. In actuality it's probably worth less than that old dingy tainted piece of tin you have tossed in the corner. Now, let's apply that metaphor to life. Those that flash the money around, the cars, the women, the designer label, the fancy house, 2.5 kids, one pet, and BMW in the garage doesn't make them successful or worth your time and effort. Remember to take the time to get to know the people in your life that live in the background of your life the "extras" so it were. Those people just may have something to teach you or something you've been missing in your own life. They are truly your strength. Those that encourage you from the sidelines. While we are attracted to the beautiful and famous...why don't we take the time?

definition of stupid

Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Heard it a million times and yet the madness continues...

Self - Esteem

It's been said that your self esteem is like a bucket of water, full when you are born. Over the years, we poke little holes of self-doubt and others poke holes in it for us. Until some of that self-esteem leaks out over the years. You are only worth what you believe you are worth. Your worth is never determined by another's judgement of you. Live your life according to YOUR values, your beliefs, do right by others and above all LOVE yourself. If you don't..no one else will!

~Be good, Be safe